Marriage And Families

I Corinthians 7: 1-17 

Now Paul goes on to answer some questions he's been asked. 

Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 

Paul's opinion is that he can serve the Lord freely, unencumbered by a wife or family.  

But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 

But it is not an easy life for a man to not ever have that intimate relationship. 

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 

This "duty" is to submit to the intimate "one flesh" relationship. 

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 

When we make the marriage vow, we are voluntarily turning over our body to our new spouse. So our bodies belong to each other now, not ourselves. 

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

Paul says not to "cut off" your mate, unless you both agree to take a break to fast and pray, for a specific time period, then come together again to resume your physical intimacy. This is to reduce your vulnerability to temptation.  

But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 

This is Paul's idea, not any commandment from God.  

Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. 

Paul is again giving his opinion, that to be totally unencumbered gives him the freedom to travel and spread the Gospel and plant churches all over the known World. Wouldn't it be wonderful if every Christian could do that, too?

However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 

But God gifts us all differently, because we are all different, so that wouldn't be practical. God wants us all to do different things different ways for the Kingdom, so that everything will get done.

But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 

Here he is again, giving his opinion. Not a bad opinion, but not a hard-and-fast rule, either. 

But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 

Paul gives the concession that it's not wrong to marry, especially if someone would have a problem remaining celibate. 

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, 

Now this is not Paul's opinion, but an actual command to be obeyed. 

that the wife should not leave her husband 
(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. 

This is before wives had the right to divorce their husbands. If they were in an intolerable situation, then they could only leave, not divorce. Men always had all the rights. But here, neither the wife nor the husband was to dissolve the marriage, as God intended marriage to be a picture of His relationship with us, and He will never leave us nor forsake us. 

But to the rest I say, not the Lord, 

Here's Paul's reasoned opinion again, not a commandment. 

that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 
And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 

Paul is maintaining that marriage is for one man with one woman for life, even when the husband or wife has become a Christian and the spouse has not yet. 

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified [set apart] through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified [set apart] through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy [set apart]. 

Both of the words for "sanctified" and "holy" come from the same Greek word. Hagiazo means: sanctified, to be holy; or to be set aside to be made holy, to be exposed to the Gospel and be saved. And hagios means: pure, blameless; or even, hagnos: innocent, clean, pure; which refers to being saved by living in a Christian home, and hearing the Gospel, a real advantage and privilege.  

Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 

We should all try to get along with one another. So if an unbelieving spouse decides to leave, we are not to try to force them to stay. We can't expect a non-Christian to think and act like a Christian, so there is no rule that says they have to stay if they choose to leave. But the one abandoned this way is not under any compulsion to have to try to get them back, or to stay unmarried, or even having the liberty to choose to marry again, only in the Lord. 

Some Christian teachers still today will not go this far, to permit remarriage after divorce; but I contend that if the one abandoned is likely to be too vulnerable to temptation, then I would say that they would be like the unmarried and widows mentioned above, especially if the abandoning one marries again.

For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? 

Paul contends that the believing wife could win her unbelieving husband to faith, and the believing husband could win his unbelieving wife to faith. This is a possibility, and the believing spouse needs to be sure that they love their partner with extraordinary love and kindness, to not be accused of running their partner off, should they leave. 

Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. 

Paul does not vary his teachings to different audiences, he is faithful to teach only what He has learned from the Lord, and his own reasoned opinions based on the Lord's teachings to fill in the gaps. 

I know that some Bible teachers may still hold a hard-and-fast rule that once a Christian gets married, they can never have another spouse unless the previous one has died, to have a Christian ministry. And even if the person was married, divorced, and remarried before becoming a Christian. 

Considering our culture today, even Christians are getting divorced at the same rates as the general population, which is a very sad commentary on the state of the Church. So do we want to knock out three-fourths of all Christians from serving the Lord? Even if they have returned to the Lord and cleaned up their relationships to the best of their ability? 

Relationships have become very complicated with all the twistings and multiples of marriages and children and step- and half- and cousin-siblings, and other kinds of connections or lack thereof. The enemy has confused what a family even is, knowing that our human societies are based on our families. 

So we need to take one another where we are today, and if we need to start fresh, then let's start new with the Lord, and obey what He has commanded from this day forward. And deal with the complications of the past to straighten them out as best we can. And to love one another as God Loves us. 

Each one of us is important to Him, and is different from every other person He has made. And He has called us to live together in peace. 

Even in Paul's day, he had questions to answer concerning the marriage relationship, and because he did, we now have his letters to guide us today. 

O my Father, You knew we would have all these problems we have today, and even greater ones to come. You knew we would need to have guidance through these troubled relationship waters, so You provided Paul's writings for us today. 

We know that You guided Paul in writing his opinions, that they would not contradict Your rules, but expand our understanding of how we can faithfully apply Your commandments in our societies today. 

Father, You have called us to live together peacefully, loving one another, even in our own households, even if they are convoluted and complicated. You love every one of us, and You accept each one where we are right now. 

But then You don't leave us where we are, especially if we need to make changes to align with Your design. But those changes should never harm anyone, or even hurt them unnecessarily; but accept each person as a loved child of God, and not leave anyone out of our circle of affection. 

Father, grant us Your wisdom and compassion in all our relationships, especially our family relationships. We are Your family, as You are our Father as we are Your children, and Your Son is our Brother and our Bridegroom as we are His Bride. 

Father, our enemy has wreaked havoc with Your picture of family in this World, but let us have Your wisdom and discernment to salvage what we can of this beautiful picture. So that we can live together in peace. 

And may our families shine Your light brightly in this dark World, showing those in the World the wonderful joy of doing things Your way! 

Even so, come, Lord Jesus!