Tough Love

II Corinthians 2: 1-11

But I determined this for my own sake, that I would not come to you in sorrow again.
For if I cause you sorrow, who then makes me glad but the one whom I made sorrowful? 
This is the very thing I wrote you, so that when I came, I would not have sorrow from those who ought to make me rejoice; having confidence in you all that my joy would be the joy of you all. 

Paul is still talking about why he didn't come by Corinth on his way to Macedonia, but went directly there, and came to Corinth on his way back. He didn't want to have a confrontational meeting with them, and upset everyone's sensibilities. So he wrote them another letter, instead, and gave them time to resolve this glaring problem themselves.  

For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you with many tears; 

This is the "sorrowful letter" that has been lost to antiquity, that he wrote to them so that they would take care of the situation with the overtly incestuous man (see I Corinthians 5:1-6). 

not so that you would be made sorrowful, but that you might know the love which I have especially for you. 

He didn't write this one to upset them, but to show them how important this issue is, and how broken-hearted he is to see it going on, to their detriment. 

But if any has caused sorrow, he has caused sorrow not to me, but in some degree--in order not to say too much--to all of you. 

Only part of the grief was on Paul, so that he would not go too far in that "sorrowful letter" in accusing them of tolerating this egregious sin in their midst, and what to do about it to resolve it. 

And they did resolve it, they kicked him out of their group, depriving him of the fellowship and whatever other benefits, to encourage him to forsake this relationship and return to the Lord. 

Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the majority,

And it worked! This man repented and wanted to come back to church.  

so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, 

So they should welcome him back into the congregation. 

otherwise such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 

We certainly don't want to destroy this man unnecessarily, especially since he did forsake his sin and return to the Lord.  

Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him.

Stop blaming him and forgive him and see him with Christ's eyes; and realize that you still do love him, and let him know.  

For to this end also I wrote, so that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all things. 

Paul also wrote to see if they were mature enough to obey a hard commandment. And they passed the test. So they were growing in the Lord.

But one who you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. 

Because Christ forgives when we come to godly repentance, Paul also forgives, and will not harbor any hard feelings toward someone who turns from his sins back to godly living.  

so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. 

When we refuse to forgive, we are opening the door to bitterness, which puts us right into Satan's territory. Since we know this, we don't have to fall into the devil's lap. 


This is a very thorny situation Paul is trying to steer these Corinthian believers through. He loves these brothers and sisters, and he wants them to do right, even when it's hard to do. 

But it's when it's hard to do, and we do it anyway, is when we can grow the most. Because then we see how beneficial it is for us to do things God's way. Satan wants to convince us that God is hard and vengeful, but we know Him as gentle and gracious and generous with us. 

Whenever we think that the person doesn't deserve forgiveness because they've hurt us, we're right. None of us deserves forgiveness, because we've deliberately rebelled against what we know is right. We deserve God's wrath.

But God has put the punishment we deserve on Jesus on the Cross, who didn't deserve it. That's His mercy toward us. And we should have mercy on others, the ones who have injured us, as God has for us. 

Then God can be gracious and give us all the good that we don't deserve.  So we can be gracious and forgive those, and grant them our good will that they don't deserve, either. 

Paul told them to take that man back into their fellowship, and to show him the love they felt for him, because they really did love him. They hadn't wanted to call him on his immorality because of their familial feelings toward him, so it was a hard thing for them to kick him out. 

But they did, and he repented and cleaned up his life. That's what it took. 

This has been called "tough love," because it's so hard to do. But sometimes this is what it takes to shake someone out of their denial and face the reality of what they're doing to themselves and those they love. It's what's behind interventions, and has been very successful in rescuing people from destroying themselves. 

When we love people with just our human love, it can take distorted shapes, to allow all kinds of destructive activities. But God's Love is pure and deep and genuine, and looks for the long-term good of the one loved. When we love others with His Love for us, then we will not be deceived into doing what won't be the best, by considering what it would cost us. 

But God didn't let what it would cost Him keep Him from rescuing us. He sent His very Best, His only-begotten Son to pay the ultimate price for each of us. 

How it must have broken the Father's heart to have to turn His back on His Son, with whom He had never been separated! And it took such a steep emotional toll on Jesus that He sweated drops of Blood in the Garden of Gethsemane the night of His arrest! I just really have a problem wrapping my mind around these stupendous ... what this means ... every word I come up with just falls so woefully short! 

O my Father, Your Love for us, for me, is so much more than I could ever comprehend with my puny brain! You have already done so much more for me, that it will take me all of eternity future to fully understand; and even then, I will still be coming to more and more and deeper and deeper and broader and wider and more comprehensive knowledge of You and Your ways, Father!

I don't think I will ever come to the end of You, my Almighty God and Father. All of eternity, forever and ever, will only bring more joy, more rejoicing, more fun and merriment and feasting; more purpose and accomplishment and adventure! 

You. Are. God! You alone are our Source and End. Only You are what we need, for You have made us for Your enjoyment and pleasure, and our purpose is in You alone! 

O Father, send us out to cast abroad Your good seed of the Gospel, to every corner and every cave and every hiding place where Your lost sheep have wandered. Let Your seed find every fertile plot of ground in every prepared heart, to draw all Your precious lambs into the safety and comfort of Your One Fold with One Shepherd. 

Let all the World know how much You have Loved us! Until every living soul has come to enough understanding to accept or reject Your gracious gift of Salvation. So that no one will have any excuse. 

And every eye shall see, and every knee will bow, and every tongue will proclaim that Jesus of Nazareth is our Lord God Almighty, our sovereign King of the Universe, to the credit and glory of Almighty God the Father, forever and ever.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus!